News from the Outside: Fourth Theft’s a Charm?

(image credit: StressedTechnician)

I write about criminals — but none of them are this dumb.

So this dude’s driving drunk. He crashes his car, and is arrested for DUI on the way to the hospital.

At the hospital, he talks a worker into letting him go out for a smoke. And while he’s out there… he steals an ambulance and drives away.

Okay. Right here, I’d rate this significantly cool enough to fictionalize. But wait! There’s more!

Dude gets the ambulance stuck at the end of a street (of COURSE he does. He’s drunk, and injured. He can’t drive.) so he stumbles out and runs for a nearby pasture…where he tries to steal a couple of horses.

The horse thing doesn’t work out. I’m guessing they didn’t want to cooperate with a drunk, bleeding guy, who may or may not have been trying to find out where the ignition was or how you stepped on the gas pedal for this thing (I really hope he wasn’t trying to hotwire a horse). So off he goes again.

He steals another car. Crashes that one. Steals another car — and somehow manages to drive that one away.

The next day, he was arrested when he returned to the hospital for severe bleeding from his original injuries.

True story… (Thanks, Huffington Post)

Dude. Even Kaiser is smarter than you. Maybe you should reconsider your criminal career.


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